Over lunch last week with a friend of mine, he asked me how I stay sane. A lot of people have asked me this question before. I’m not sure if I have the answer figured out, but I want to share my response with you.
It is true that I feel calm under pretty much all circumstances. My nerves jazz up like anyone’s when there is pressure on me. I feel it two minutes before a speech or standing over a makeable putt on the 18th hole that means something (at least, in my mind). When people ask me this question about staying sane, I think they are asking me how I don’t let stress get the best of me. The answer started with an ending. My father died when I was 23 years-old. My perspective of what truly mattered changed as soon as I came to, after the shock of losing him finally became tolerable. Believing life events are the truly important matters in life, it made work events and the occasional crisis bearable.
Along the way, I also realized that all I could do was my best. I am a mess when I care deeply about an outcome out of my control. Instead, I define what I can do to meet an objective and ensure I do everything in my power to get it done. If the outcome doesn’t happen, so be it.
Along those lines – but somewhat different – is a feeling I’ve always had about perceptions. When I was growing up, I believed this lie I whispered often to myself. I fibbed that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. But I did. And I still do. But I am not consumed by how others perceive me. So, if I am doing my best and others are judging me on outcomes out of my control, I don’t worry about that.
I have found through many discussions with people over the years that these three things are not present when it is difficult to stay in control. When I say, “in control,” I mean, genuinely be in control as opposed to appearing to be in control. That is an important distinction. I encourage everyone that asks me to strongly consider these three things if they are grasping for calmness – perspective of what’s truly important (death, family, other life events); link yourself to things you can control; worry about what you think about yourself and not what others think of you. Calmness is a never ending journey, so my list may look different down the road. I would love to hear and read how others do it.
